DC: 10 funniest Batman quotes in the comics
As a rule, Batman isn’t really known to be a funny guy. He is called the Dark Knight, not the Light-hearted Knight. Various members of the Justice League have commented on how dark and serious he is the vast majority of the time. But in his job, taking things seriously can be key.
At the same time, he’s been known to drop a line or two from time to time. He’s still got a lot of work to do during his tight five minutes before taking the stage at an open mic party. But Batman can still make even the Joker smile every now and then.
ten Slow down the flash
Working with The Flash can be a difficult experience. The man is kind, smart, and one of the most honorable heroes DC has to offer. At the same time, the guy often moves so fast that he doesn’t stop to listen to what his allies are saying while moving at normal speed.
This poses a problem when Batman is trying to strategize, as Flash is often quite distracted. Flash got nervous and worried about it, so Batman put his hand on his shoulder to calm him down and said, “Not if you’re very careful.”
9 Even Batman is frustrated
There are a lot of attributes that make Batman what he is. Naturally, people think of the world’s greatest sleuth, a masterful melee fighter, and the driver of fantastic bat-themed cars. But he is also known as a serious guy who remains stumped in virtually any situation.
That being said, Batman is still human and gets pissed off like everyone else. As he drove the Batmobile, he got frustrated explaining who he was to his passenger and said, in no uncertain terms, “I’m the fucking Batman.” That says it all.
8 Try to be hard
Maintaining the mystique around the Dark Knight is the key to being Batman. Criminals must be afraid of him before he even shows up. He has actually won a few battles over the years based on his reputation alone. But keeping your Batman rep in check isn’t always easy.
At one point, Batman was injured and spoke to a worried young man who asked about his injuries. Batman tried to make the kid feel better by saying, “Looks worse than it looks.” But the kid called his bluff and asked if he was telling the truth. Batman responded with a simple, yet revealing, “No.”
7 Worried about the bee population
The variety of threats Batman faces on a regular basis can never be overestimated. One day he’s dealing with a murderous clown, the next day it’s a living heap of clay that changes shape. And that doesn’t even cover the angry Luchadore that’s loaded with Venom.
But speaking of a variety of threats, an attack on the Amazons arose and he also mentioned a lethal weapon for bees. For a moment he actually looked taken aback and remarked, “The bees. My God. It’s hard to tell if he was afraid of bees or worried about them. Batman cares about the environment.
6 Harley Quinn’s rampage call
Dealing with the Joker is always taxing for Batman. The guy is a dangerous madman who is literally capable of all kinds of horror. Harley Quinn is an entirely different problem. She’s still kind of a criminal, but she’s also kind of a hero. At least with Joker, Batman knows he’s not up to anything good.
When Harley was having fun committing a series of heists, she naturally encountered the Caped Crusader. Harley wondered what the odds were that they would meet. Batman replied, “Since this is the tenth store you broke into tonight, I would say they were excellent.”
5 Funny and threatening at the same time
Being Batman requires walking a lot of lines. Honestly, it wouldn’t take much to push him over the edge, going from a righteous vigilante to the same moral territory as The Punisher. But there’s another one that he straddles quite effectively.
It’s surprising how many of the quotes he delivers can be menacing and funny at the same time. While stopping some criminal activity, he uttered the icy phrase, “You all have to run. Now.” For them it was probably quite threatening. For the reader, it was quite funny.
4 Beat the Penguin Thugs
Penguin is an interesting villain. Honestly, it doesn’t seem like he cares about being good or bad. He just wants the respect of Gotham’s elite and how he gets it is almost irrelevant. That being said, gaining that respect often leads him down a darker path.
When Batman burst into his club, Penguin was trying to pretty much stay on the right side of the law. That didn’t stop his thugs from attacking. At the end of the fight, Penguin asked Batman if he was done beating them. He replied, “I don’t know yet. They hit me pretty hard with their stun guns.”
3 Batman has insurance policies
One thing that a lot of people don’t know about Batman is that he is very considerate of the people he spoils. As such, he should probably start educating his bad guys about the insurance policies offered by different companies in town.
On a mission, he chatted with Alfred through their communications. Alfred suggested that such insurance be offered and Batman pointed out that it already exists. He finally said, “For what it’s worth, Batman’s insurance policies are called Dark Knight Returns.”
2 The caped crusader holds a grudge
As the Joker is all too aware, Batman is not the type to forgive and forget. He killed a Robin years ago and the Caped Crusader has never let him forget him, even after Jason Todd was resurrected. In Batman’s defense, it’s not easy to forget.
When Catwoman upset him, he really took the grudge to a new level. Specifically, this new level was in high school, “I promise no matter what, I will never be your friend and I will never forgive you and I will hate you for the rest of my life.”
1 Batman delivers a super burn to Superman
Superman and Batman have a difficult relationship. They are allies and sometimes friends, even if they do not fully trust each other. But if one of them crosses the line and becomes bad, they each know the other would be the first to bring them down.
But despite that, that doesn’t mean they don’t verbally put themselves down every now and then. Superman was criticizing Batman for not being more inspiring. Batman devastated the Man of Steel with the following line: “… the last time you really inspired someone was when you were dead.”
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