CARTOON DE KRAHNICLE: January 10, 2021

It was the summer of 1917 and TE Lawrence, the British colonel in charge of the so-called Arab revolt, had decided to attack and take the Turkish stronghold of Aqaba, which is now in Jordan.

All of this without any authorization from above on his own initiative – something unheard of in the stilted British Army where the chain of command was paramount.

To get there in secret and surprise the Turks, they had to travel through fierce desert landscapes with nothing but the food and water they brought with them.

And so did the camels, of course, which could carry a guerrilla fighter 1,000 miles back and forth in any direction and, if he succumbed, serve as a valuable source of meat.

Your basic four-legged Superstore, in fact.

I actually tried it in Cairo, it wasn’t bad. A little chewy, but the hot peppers and gravy made it pretty tasty.

One night they settled in a valley, which looked fine, to rest the desert warriors who would later become his faithful bodyguards.

To their shock, the valley was infested with highly poisonous cobra snakes. That’s right, infested.

A hidden part of the world where snakes ruled and men, or whatever walked, were not welcome. TE and his men were intruders and would soon find out.

During the night, several men died. Personally, I wouldn’t have slept a blink of an eye and kept my pistol ready to blast the heads of any creepy beasts that came my way.

Look, I don’t like snakes, I never liked them but I don’t want to kill them or hurt them… live and let live, they are part of nature and all that.

When the sun rose they had lost a few men and then they got out of there never to come back.

TE and his Arab army would easily take Aqaba, a major target, and then continue to harass Turkish forces in the desert for months on end with tactics that would be emulated for decades by other rebel forces.

In fact, Vietnamese General Võ Nguyên Giáp personally cited TE Lawrence as one of his greatest influences.

Well, my friends, I’m afraid to say that we too have entered the Valley of the Cobras, but in our case, there is no escape.

And I’m not just talking about Baboon Boy and the ruling Liberal Party. There is enough shame, to go around.

At least three times in the past few years, I have received a brochure of comments from my “Honorable Member for Calgary Nose Hill,” none other than Michelle Rempel Garner, in my modest Panorama Hills condo mailbox.

Normally, I throw them in the recycling. But, I thought, no… I’ll throw out some of my thoughts and comments and ask for a phone call in response.

Well, surprise, surprise – Madame Rempel, who seems to spend a lot of time on Twitter, never, ever called me back.

Not once. Not a single sausage. Nada. Nyet. So long, so sorry. Arrivederci.

Alas, that tells me a lot. A hell of a package. Although she has ambitions for greatness, for some reason she doesn’t want to mingle with the unwashed greats. It’s me and my cat Burt.

Honestly, I take a shower every now and then!

Surrounded by cobras, surrounded! Remember this.

So what should we do, as the great Tolstoy once said, because we cannot even trust our elected Western members of this unnecessary and overpaid Parliament?

I’ll tell you what we’re doing.

In this awesome space movie, Armageddon, the US president orders the “secondary protocol” to detonate the nuclear device on the surface of a giant meteor heading towards earth.

An action opposed by the oil drillers recruited for the post, led by Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), because it will not work.

After Chick (Will Patton) sees the bomb timer countdown, Harry summons Astronaut Sharp (William Fichtner) and chaos ensues.

What I remember from that scene is that Stamper, freeing Sharp from the grip of a giant vise set, appeals to his decency and logic:

For god’s sake, think about what you’re doing. Why are you listening to someone 100,000 miles away? We are here, no one there can help us. So if we don’t do this job, everyone’s gone.

Sharp relents and Harry continues to save the world in Hollywood style.

But, ladies and gentlemen, the same question must be asked. And I must appeal to your decency and your logic. Enough is enough.

Why, for God’s sake, do we listen to a bunch of overpaid fools thousands of miles from Ottawa?

The morons talk about taxing or taking the equity in our homes. They also want to tax the Internet. How long before they start looking at our RRSPs too?

We all know they spend huge amounts of money, faster than they can afford. Not only that, but they refuse to tell us how they are going to pay for it!

Carlton PC MP Pierre Marcel Poilievre has asked the government again and again how it is going to pay for this. And not a single man – or shall we say, a snake – has had the courage to come forward to answer.

A new pact in Confederation where we walk, we go our way. I have said it before and I will say it again. To stay the course would be sheer madness.

It’s time to stop this meteor from destroying Alberta.

Dave Makichuk is a Western Standard contributor.
He worked in the media for decades, most notably as editor for the Calgary Herald. He is also the Calgary correspondent for
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